Saturday, July 9, 2011

Dive In

I'm sitting facing the wrong way, setting up to teach my Sunday morning class. Some students have already taken their seats, others are milling about not paying attention. Why am I facing my back to the door? I notice someone with white hair come in and take a seat. Holy Crap! It's John Friend. John Friend is in my class! This is new, he's usually spinning me around by my wrists, or teaching me something amazing, or passing me on the street.
We take our seats. John Friend is in my class. I begin, only I don't bother to unfold my theme and heart-virtue, I just launch right into eyes-closed centering. Some students still aren't even in their seats. What am I doing!?! I finish, we open our eyes, and John launches into reminding me that I didn't introduce the theme... and all the other ways I did not start the practice properly.

Thank God I wake up and take a deep breath.

To say I am intimidated by John would be the understatement of the year. I assume he's awesome and a wonderful teacher to be in direct relationship with. I've also heard stories that make me quite afraid to out myself to him as a prospective Certified Teacher. It's all good, he has standards to uphold and I totally respect that. I see my fear as a way of letting me know I'm probably not quite ready.

But it's on the way. One day I WILL have to out myself. I will have to stand up very firmly and uphold my belief that I can be a Certified Teacher, to prove to him and anyone else that I am worthy to be a Certified teacher. Right now, though I just completed all the hours I need and technically could go for it, right now is not yet the time and I know it. I figure when I feel confident having any Certified teacher walk into my class without it throwing me off my game, and my game being a Rocking Anusara Class, that will be the time to tell John I'm ready to go.

Two days after my dream the first teacher I'd ever had in this method walked through the door and into my class. It's the closest I can get to having John walk in right here in Richmond. Shock, Awe, Humility.... A big reminder from the Universe. Time again to dive in even deeper. The student molded again and again into the teacher I am meant to be one day.

No comments: