Oh yeah, then there's the other thing about the weekend. Lila, (aka a 6 year Certified teacher) came to my class. And "evaluated" me. Yeah, hmmm. It was a lucky coincidence that she was coming to town and was able to fill out my form and I didn't have to send anyone a video. But what a load of pressure to take on for that one single class. Yikes!
Let's just say it was certainly not my most incredible class ever. Nowhere near it. But, to be fair, it was also not my least incredible class ever. (I didn't have anybody walk out never to return, so that's pretty awesome, and yes that has happened, twice actually ...and once was only a month or so ago)
There are plenty of reasons that my class was not up to where I'd hoped it would be, and they're valid. But oh well. What I think is pretty awesome is that I feel like, because my class was not super amazing, she (and I) maybe got a more clear picture of where my skills actually are. Like, if you peel back hours of preparation and all the centering and practicing time ahead of the class and just throw me into a room of yogis ... on my worst day... what are the skills that are so deeply ingrained that they show up automatically.
I will tell you, I have the 5 UPAs down COLD.
It is a good learning experience. And, of course, watching Lila was an incredible learning experience. One that renews my commitment to this practice and to deepening my skill set. "I so want to do THAT! "
I have not yet gotten any notes back or any real direct feedback (other than "it was good") which has me in a bit of a worried tizzy. It's different than being in YTT where criticism is wrapped in so much immediate love you cannot walk out of the room without imagining how totally awesome you're going to be at this. The waiting has me playing the guessing game and 'coulda, shoulda, woulda'. But now I know that next time I will have to get 5 or 10 minutes immediately after the class with Lila for feedback to calm my nerves.
Either way, I'm glad I'm done. I'm so grateful for the opportunity of having Lila there. I'm so grateful that I was worse than I'd hoped because it is such a reminder of the skills that I do have and all that I can do from here. I'm so grateful for the fabulous community that we have.
And I'll anxiously await the eval. form knowing there is so much space to cover on this journey. But that's just it, it's a journey and I'm in it for the long haul.