On Balance

There is no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves. - Frank Herbert

We're off for a little R&R for the next few days. Have a great weekend!

Community

students learning together at a recent Kula Jam

“A healthy social life is found only, when in the mirror of each soul the whole community finds its reflection, and when in the whole community the virtue of each one is living” Rudolf Steiner When I first started taking Anusara yoga I was so happy to find a feeling of a 'home' in a yoga class. People came week after week, we smiled at each other, we knew each other's names, and we supported each other as we partnered together and made our way through the journey of each class. When my teacher stopped teaching I was forced to find other classes. They were fabulous classes taught by talented teachers, but the connection I felt to the others practicing with me in my Anusara classes was totally lost in my new practices. I felt the loss heavily. One of the main distinctions of Anusara yoga from others is just this sense of connection and community. In Anusara, in sanskrit, we call it Kula. Kula being translated most easily as 'community of the heart.' It is the community of individuals that chooses to come together to support and uplift each other. What is so fabulous is that the kula extends from individual classes into the larger Anusara force in each city, and extends from there into the entire Anusara world. So when I go to a workshop in a different city and I know no one I'm not worried at all. I know that I will be accepted and supported in my yoga and people will genuinely be as interested in me as I am in them. The kula is one of the driving forces for my journey into becoming an Anusara teacher. The loss and disconnection I felt when my teacher left was so profound that I felt called to provide that same heart space for others by building an Anusara community here in RVA. Kula building is one of my main areas of focus and I'm seeing it pay off already. (I'll blog more about our kula building efforts in later posts). In the practice of this yoga we're really creating a community of the body/mind/heart. We're bringing all the parts together into a collective and cohesive whole to manifest the beautiful pose for an instant before it dissolves into the next form. We celebrate all body parts as equal, all thoughts as meaningful, all emotions as valid and in that way the whole person is brought to the practice in all her/his light. It is a very affirming and loving way to practice. Tonight I close my first series and we'll focus on community. That even as we come to an end, the community we've built by practicing together over the 6 weeks will continue to live on in our hearts and in our bodies each time we come to the mat. And hopefully we'll keep expanding as we move into part 2 of the series in two weeks.

Contemplation: Where do I feel most connected to community? Who do I want to build community with? And to follow up from yesterday... On my NOT TO DO LIST TODAY: i'm not going to make homemade granola even though I really want to, I'm not going to try to organize all my notes on the heart virtues, i'm not going to worry about shopping for a new outfit for our anniversary weekend away, i'm not going to pressure myself to have an amazing practice because i'm seeing john soon and i'm not going to plan classes for 3 weeks from now AH! that feels better.

(Overly) High Expectations

I've felt a little stressed out over yoga lately. I know, it's a big joke. Who gets stressed out over YOGA? But, if you haven't noticed, I take my yoga pretty seriously. For me it is a career and total passion. And even though I only teach 3 times a week, it is really a full time job.

So, here's how teaching three 90 minute classes a week becomes a full time job....

My teacher, Ann, told us at YTT that in the beginning she spent 5 hours in preparation for each class she taught. You may think this is totally crazy, but honestly I find it takes about that much time for me to feel really fully totally ready to teach. The 5 hours includes deciding on the action, the sequence, the pinnacle pose, the theme, thinking of and rehearsing my personal story, relating it back to the big picture of yoga, and then working with imagery and heart theme ideas. When I am able to devote time to doing all of these things my classes really go well. And I feel well prepared as a teacher.

SO, 3 classes a week at 5 hours a class puts us at 15 hours + the actual teaching time of 4.5 hours and already we're at almost part time hours =19.5

Now, let's add in my personal practice. I allot about 2 hours daily for personal practice. I would love to do more, and sometimes do less, but the 2 hours covers asana (at home or in class), pranayama, meditation, and sometimes journalling.

SO, 2 hours a day and 7 days a week adds 14 more hours = 33.5

The rest can fall under misc support for the practice and teaching of yoga asana. Reading almost nightly, reviewing video of John, study of anatomy/general pose awareness, Yoga Nidra, supported savasana, BLOGGING, keeping up the Richmond Anusara Kula facebook page and emails, keeping up my website, staff meetings, personal meetings, commute time, talking with and supporting students, developing workshops/series/private practice ideas, supporting Certified Teachers coming to town.... and anything else that comes with being the Anusara-inspired lady in town.

SO all of that we'll make it 7 hours a week ... 1 hour a day x 7 days a week is actually probably really low but let's keep it there.

Grand total:

• 15 hours planning classes
• 4.5 hours teaching classes
• 14 hours personal practice
• 7 hours misc teaching support

40 ish hours a week.

Do you have 40 free hours in your week? I didn't think so, neither do I. When I look at this I realize two things. 1. I have very high expectations of myself and 2. This may be why I've felt a little stressed out lately. Somehow I seem to think all of this is totally possible each week with no downtime, and while also being the primary care person to a 2 year old and the CEO of our household (I could make another list of responsibilities that would knock this list out of the water for the CEO and Mom jobs, but let's not depress ourselves further). Yeah. Hmmmm. Maybe not.

So, after about a month of driving myself like a madwoman, I'm stepping back and realizing I may need to tone down my expectations of myself. Well, not really my expectations of myself, but my expectations for what can reasonably be accomplished in a day. When I'm over extending like this I like to remember a blog post by Amy Karol at Angry Chicken (a crafting blog) where she created a NOT To Do List.

What a perfect idea. Here are all the ideas I have that I'm NOT going to do today. What a relief. I'd love to do it, but I'm NOT.

Today, hard driving asana went on the list and I had a great restorative practice instead. Who knows what will go on the list tomorrow? What I do know is that when I lift the pressures I place on myself, I'm actually more productive and creative. And, I'm happier and my practice feels better. It's worth a shot at not doing all that I thought I could, just to feel a little better each day.

Contemplation: Where do I set my expectations too high for the reality of my situation? What am I NOT going to do today?

Intentional Eating

A few years ago I would never have thought I would be the kind of person that sits down to a meal and says Grace. We grew up saying the Blessing every night but once I was away from home, that little ritual slipped away. And my husband definitely isn't the kind to say anything much to any sort of God type figure (or Goddess for that matter).

A few years ago I saw the following video from the Institute for Noetic Sciences.

The video, along with my other studies about consciousness and intentionality, started to shift my thoughts around saying some sort of Grace over my food.

Still, talking directly to God (Goddess) right before we sit to eat isn't going to fly with my husband. And my daughter at 2 has the attention span of well, a 2 year old. So recently we've started a new ritual that works for everyone. We sit down at the table, hold hands, and then take 3 deep breaths. We follow that by saying "We are thankful for our food and those who made it" Simple. Quick. Easy.

I've found it makes a profound difference in the tone and enjoyment of our meals as a family. The three breaths help us transition into the present moment of mealtime. It's the pause we need to shift gears from whatever we've been doing individually into the collective effort of enjoying this time when we're seated together. Offering gratitude then helps me pause for even longer and call to mind whoever has helped make this possible. Many times yes, I'm offering gratitude to myself... but come on who couldn't say Thank-you to him/herself a little more often. I also get to genuinely offer gratitude to my husband. Or to my friend or family member for cooking a few days ago if we're eating leftovers. Even in a restaurant I'm taken for a moment out of myself and I recall that this is a meal that some actual PERSON prepared for me. And for that person for that moment, I am grateful. I think my food actually tastes better too!

Gratitude is said to be one of the highest vibratory states and most positive states to experiences as a human being. It can be quite healing and life changing. I am continuously exploring how to truly create opportunities for gratitude in my life (it doesn't always come easily.) This quick and simple ritual seems to be helping. At least 3 times a day I pause and am grateful. I'd say that's a move in the right direction.

Contemplation: How can I intentionally make a shift towards feeling more gratitude in my life? and/or What can I offer towards my food to make it a more satisfying meal?

Outer Spiral

Some years ago I added a little adventure to my ordinary life and took a Whitewater Rafting trip down the New River in West Virginia. It was a beautiful day and the river was at just the right water level, low enough not to be dangerous, but high enough that we could have some fun. The New River is one of the oldest in this area (maybe even the world) and is known for some wonderful whitewater rapids around the New River Gorge. (Google the gorge for images, it's amazing)

The thing about Whitewater rafting is, you have to let go of some of the control. Actually, you have to let go of a lot of control and allow yourself to be drawn along by the total current of wildness that is the river underneath your boat. Letting go into wildness is not exactly my strong point. So that felt scary, and feels even scarier now if I think about doing it again.

Enter, THE RAFT GUIDE. Ah, huge sigh of relief. Here is the person who's got the job to drive this little raft through all the wildness that is the river. Just by deftly placing a paddle into the water and directing our paddling energy this guide will both keep us safe and assure us of having the optimal time on the water. Which is exactly what happened (even when our guide was bumped from the boat momentarily, yikes!)

This is the way I like to think of Outer Spiral (or Contracting Spiral). I think of it as the expert that comes into a situation that has the potential to get out of hand, takes it and directs the energy in just the right way to make something Awesome. It's someone like the raft guide, or a midwife, or a sherpa on Everest, maybe for some even an accountant. Outer Spiral keeps things reined in JUST enough for some safety and a whole lot of fun to be unleashed.

Physically Outer Spiral goes like this... And for simplicity's sake, let's just keep it in the legs for now shall we? Sweet. So, Outer Spiral is your the counter part to Inner Spiral. That means, Outer Spiral brings the upper inner thighs together, moves them forward, and turns them out like a ballet dancer moving to 1st position. The low back gets lengthened as the tailbone heads for the floor. Put it together with the wildness of Inner spiral and you get pure magic in your low back, and legs. And if you're really nerdy (like me) and want to know, these actions create Mulabandha. (topic for later discussion). Creating Outer Spiral after Inner Spiral but before Organic Energy really does direct some serious power into the legs and can supercharge the Organic Extension. And then the pose is not only safe, but wildly rocking all at once. The practice gets to be kind of like my boat down the New; Wild but totally steadied by our guide... a fun time for all.

GO for it!

Goddess Wisdom Tree Unfinished

Have the experience of letting go into life. - Todd Norian

On Sunday I found myself in the place of having some unknown amount of free time on my hands. This is entirely vexing! Free time is a high commodity in my life as a mom of a 2-year-old, so having any at all is a gift. But, not knowing how much time I have in a given stretch is frustrating to say the least. I mean, can I just check email, or can I check email, read a book, write a blog post, do some quilting or sewing, and make dinner in the time that I have before she wakes up from her nap?

What I've noticed is that facing the unknown has been holding me back lately. Not knowing how much time I have, instead of starting out just to have to quit when the time comes, I've been not even bothering to start. I think my reasoning is that I don't want to do the work of getting out the supplies for whatever the project is, only to have to clean up 5 minutes into it. Or some other excuse. Of course, the problem with this is lots of time lost to doing unproductive and non-soul feeding things when I could've had a positive experience of doing something I actually enjoy. Like MAKE something.... quilt, scarf, dinner, artwork.... something. (and reading about making those things does not count)

So on Sunday, I had that same problem. Yoga was done, Babe was sleeping, but who knew how long she would nap? I knew I needed to MAKE, CREATE something. But what to do?

Finally, after several attempts at starting things that didn't inspire. I asked myself this question that I used to ask therapy patients...

"What would you do if....?"

"What would I do if I didn't have to worry about time today?"

The answer was very quick, I'd DRAW. So I grabbed markers and paper and drew a picture until she woke up. It was entirely pleasing and soothing, no matter the unskilled quality of the artwork. For me it's always about the process not the product of creation. Same with asana.

I realized I make so many excuses in my life for why I "can't" do X, Y, or Z. Maybe they are valid excuses, but often times probably not. When I let go of the self-imposed restraints and actually tune into my body/mind/heart I find myself in a much happier and more soothed mood. Sometimes I have to remind myself... Step out of the box (that you put yourself into) and GO for it. Sometimes the GOs are big, sometimes small, but it's always worth it to me to take the steps.

Contemplation: What would I do if {I wasn't being held back by X, Y, or Z}? Now try GOing for it!

Five

Five years ago today a Justice of the Peace arrived at our house shortly after 5pm and married us on our back deck with our parents, one of my brothers and sisters-in-law and our dogs in attendance. We followed the short proceedings with wine and spaghetti with my mom's famous sauce. And had a white gown affair two days later.

Five years later, I'm still very happy with my Happily Ever After.