I am coming to the end of this nice long maternity leave and will be returning to teaching in about 2 weeks. I'm feeling ready. I miss the students and being in the studio. I miss the sense of deeply engaging with yoga practice on my own mat and bringing my insights (however random) to the people in the room with me. It will be lovely to return.
I still have this baby body. I seriously still look pregnant. The baby-house is abundantly visible.
The other day in my kitchen I found myself lamenting my appearance. And worrying about teaching again looking how I look. "I just don't look the part, I want to look the part" I said to myself.
Luckily, my mind is getting better and better trained to pick up on unimportant sh*t like that that I just love to feed myself.
Look the Part?
That would suggest that there is a way to "look" to be a yoga teacher. (hello marketing!) and that would also suggest that such a "look" is more important than what I actually have to offer. (hello worthiness!)
I catch myself again and again being swept up in this way. "I have to look a certain way - I can never be skinny enough" "I have to have a certain amount of education" "I have to be able to do a certain pose" -- then I'll be worth it, beautiful, a good teacher... etc. But that's all just crap that I keep taking in from who knows where (facebook maybe?) and feeding myself. And it's all just surface.
In reality, I want to BE the part. I want to BE an inspiring yoga teacher. I want to BE honest about how my body is in reality at this moment. I want to BE a person who honors the needs of my body when I'm not sleeping through the night, and I carry a 15lb person with me everywhere I go. I want to keep my connection to Source no matter what I'm doing. I want to honor my children, and every person I come into contact with and really see them. I want to BE practicing on the mat, eating well, and savoring my life. I want to BE a woman who lives her yoga honestly and with no apologies, no matter what it looks like.
So that's where I am now. Stepping back onto the mat every day and meeting myself where I am. Getting ready to BE back in the studio. Stepping back into seat of teacher with honesty, humility, and Grace. Let's see where this will go.