Back a month or so ago when all those teachers were leaving Anusara - there were questions from students to their own teachers: Are you leaving too? One certified teacher I follow on Facebook had the greatest status in response:
"I shall stay until the wind changes" - Mary Poppins
The wind is blowing from a new direction now in my life. It's been breezy for a while and I realized I've been like the crumpled last leaf, clinging to the branch of the already wintering tree - afraid to finally drop away and let what was become compost for what will be. It's not fear. It's denial and deep sadness.
I've been here before. I recognize the drama I'm playing, only last time the roles were reversed. The situation was handled with all of the honesty it needed but none of the compassion - at 17, I didn't know much about compassion. Karma's a Kali-ish witch coming 'round at the least opportune times. But when the wind blows in gusts like this - best to follow and drift into the new. Decay into compost for a while but yes, then grow into the new.
What I know is: Openings can't be forced. Hamstrings. Hips. Hearts. They do not open under pressure. I'm still rehabing injuries from learning the hard way on that one. What makes opening? Alignment, Alignment, Alignment to the very Highest - then patient acceptance.
And so I'm feeling the sweeping gusts and trying not to hold too tightly. Not to be angry to become compost. Not to mourn the end of the growing season. Stay or go, I'm not quite sure yet - certainly the wind could change back. But in reality, it may never blow the same direction again. So align and wait -- grateful for the other trees in my garden.